if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
