The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
