so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
