So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
