It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
May the power of my ass compel you!!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
