Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
