I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
why do cheetos always look like penises
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
