Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
