im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
