ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
