Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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