I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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