omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
