the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
