to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
