ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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