just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
