Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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