Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize