What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize