So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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