ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Randomize
