I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
