I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
