if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
