i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
