I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
