The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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