We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
