im holly from the hills drunk
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
