life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
