do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
