I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
