A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You are the jesus of drinking
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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