Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
