when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
