i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
