If that was your dad, he is hot
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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