I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
