How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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