She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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