matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize