I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
