Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
sex in a hospital.. check
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
