So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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