my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
