What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
