shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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