Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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