but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
