You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
