Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
