Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
