i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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