She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
