you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
