Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
