i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
