ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
